New Years Resolutions: You Don't Need a New You

New Years resolutions are popular in today's society. The idea of ditching the 'old' us and replacing ourselves with a nice, shiny new version of ourselves is alluring. I can see how it hooks people, I know it has definitely hooked me in the past. Don't get me wrong, I am not here to tell you that striving for self-improvement is wrong, but I am here to tell you that you don't need to make rigid new years resolutions in order to do that.

Who might struggle with New Years Resolution making?

If you are someone who struggles with their mental health then you might find New Years resolutions tricky to navigate. For example, if you struggle with low mood or anxiety and are constantly pitting yourself against other people it might seem that everyone out there is 'living their best lives' and doing better than you. When you become convinced that you cannot achieve your goals this triggers low mood, feelings of failure and negative thoughts about yourself. These things in turn affect your motivation, behaviours and ultimately might take you away from who you want to be.

If you struggle with perfectionism then you might also find this hard because for you, anything less than perfect might just not be good enough. You might struggle with setting yourself realistic goals and come down on yourself like a ton of bricks if you don't achieve what you set out to do. People who struggle with perfectionism might also discount what they do achieve and focus more on what they haven't. Perfectionists often beat themselves into a state of learned helplessness whereby they berate themselves into feeling helpless, and unable to achieve their goals. This contributes to a perfectionists deep seated fear that they are not good enough and a failure.

How can we make New Year's resolution making more helpful?

As I have mentioned, I am not here to tell you that New Years Resolution making is bad. It's great to be thinking about how you can self-improve, take steps towards being the person you want to be and live the life you want to live. That being said, there are ways that we can do this that aren't so detrimental to our mental health.

1. You Don't Need a New You

Firstly, instead of seeing your 'old you' as something that needs replacing, we can take a different view. You are not replaceable. You are an ever evolving person and there are many versions of yourself that you haven't met yet. The whole 'new year, new me' thing doesn't really acknowledge all of the good qualities that you already have. If you have resolutions this year then try and see it as you moving towards the person who have been evolving to be this whole time.

2. Remember it is Okay to Break New Years Resolutions if You Make Them

In fact, breaking new years resolutions can be a good thing. Firstly, it exposes you to the fact that we aren't perfect and perfect is unattainable. Secondly, not achieving something gives you an opportunity to grow as a person. Instead of beating yourself up for not being able to stick to that diet, or that exercise plan ask yourself what got in the way. What can you learn from this? Is it that life is stressful right now? Do you need to adjust? Could you take a different approach? Were your goals achievable? Is it the right direction for you?

3. Live To Your Values

When you make a new years resolution, ask yourself if it is aligned with a value you have a person. Values and goals are different things. For example, if you have a goal of losing weight, ask yourself what value this corresponds to. Why is it important that you lose weight? Could it be that you have a value of taking care of your health? If you have a goal of achieving something academic or in your career, could it be that you have a value around challenging yourself to grow, develop and learn?

If you are struggling to know whether it is a value or a goal, ask yourself is it something you can do? Values aren't something we can achieve or tick off a list. Values are like a life compass, they provide us with the direction for the way we want to live our lives. Sometimes making a commitment to yourself that you will take actions in your life that move you towards and not away from your values them is way more useful than making new years resolutions.

4. Be Kind to Yourself

If you still want to make resolutions, then take the perfectionism out of it. Be gentle with yourself, try not to use your resolutions as a big stick to beat yourself with. Give yourself permission to struggle or even 'fail' from time to time. Life gets in the way sometimes and this is a universal experience. Speak to yourself as though you were talking to a friend or family member that you deeply care about. Focus on one or who things that are important to you and keep your goals SMART. Ask yourself, are they specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time framed? If obstacles and life get in the way (and they often do) ask yourself how you will deal with that.

A Final Word

Instead of a 'Happy New Year', I am going to wish you a year of growth, love, hope and the strength to take opportunities that move you closer to who you want to be.